If You Want To Cut Your Stress In Half, Read This Powerful 3-Step Process
Yesterday, at 3:30 pm, I was writing this Newsletter, like I do most of the time on a Saturday morning.
Only this time…
It`s already afternoon and I wanted to be done with the unedited version much faster.
“This isn't going to work, Id rather be out and catch some fresh air”.
The moment stress hits you, you want nothing more than the situation to end.
But then I realized the irony: I feel stressed while writing a Newsletter on Stress Management.
This is what a high level of energy and restlessness looks like
“Come on, get your act together.”
Why would that be a bad thing? It isn`t. It leads to more relatability.
I can feel the emotion.
Which means that…I can relate better.
In short: I love writing this Newsletter, but sometimes I feel a healthy dose of stress.
About what?
Coming up with ideas, committing to the once-a-week schedule I put myself on, growth.
But I wouldn`t have it any other way.
What stressed you out over the week?
Stress Is Deceptive.
It can bring out the best and worst in you.
Stress can push you forward to meet a deadline.
Stress allows you to tap into adrenaline-driven energy you didn`t know you had.
Stress can shape your ability to handle challenging situations while building resilience.
But
Stress can keep you awake at night.
Stress can decrease the quality of your life.
Stress can lead to physical and mental health issues.
The same situation might be perceived in two different ways.
Imagine a chat with your boss, he tells you that you need to give a presentation
in 2 weeks in front of 400 people.
“Oh shit, I don`t think I can do this, this is scary”
or
“Alright, I won't have the time of my life, but I can handle this. I've done this before.”
What stresses you, might not bother somebody else at all.
What stresses you now, might be something you laugh at tomorrow.
I picked this example because it`s my personal experience.
Ten years ago I would want to vanish into thin air when facing a presentation.
My hands were shaking, my voice was cracking and I was sweating crazy.
“What do they think about me, I'm sure they believe I shouldn't be presenting in front of them”
“This is so embarrassing, I want this situation to be over with, and leave the room instantly.”
I hated it.
Fast forward to today.
I still feel more comfortable in online presentations than standing in front of people, but I can handle both pretty well.
I receive great feedback and I`m proud of it.
What does that mean in general?
While the patterns of stress are similar, everyone reacts differently and thus encounters different consequences.
The great thing is that you can train your ability to deal with stress much better.
We will dive into the three different levels of stress and tactics to improve on each level.
In chronological order this means we have a
The Stressor/Situation
The Stress Intensifier - your reaction
Stressreaction - consequences of the stress
Before we go through all three in detail, I want to give a definition of stress and a few examples of common stressors.
Why Do We Need Stress
We need regular stress for our physical and mental development.
Why?
Because Stress forces us to adapt, to grow.
It is an innate reaction of the organism to physical or psychological stress/threats to enable it to act as quickly as possible. (Lazarus & Folkman)
Reasons For Stress
Workload, deadlines, and interruptions rank high among the stressors of any modern-day job in a cubicle.
In my role as an occupational manager in a Fortune 500 company, we often get inquiries like
“The rate of absenteeism is high in our department, our employees have too much stress, can you please do something about it.”
They miss the bigger picture and want a quick fix. Instead of fixing the root cause, we work on the symptoms.
What I mean by the root are the working conditions.
These are not under the influence of Health Management, but people who are much higher on the career ladder.
So we focus on those aspects that the individual employee can influence.
And yes, we deliver on that. The employees get a workshop or a presentation, which serves as a stimulus, but often has no lasting effect.
A more sustainable way? Change the working conditions,
have realistic deadlines
Don't put too much on people's plate
allow them to use focus times to not be interrupted
These are pipe dreams, I know. We should not try to change what does not lie within our power.
So what is left to do?
Change what lies within our power.
Lesson: If you want to reduce your level of stress, realize that you should focus on the things you can control and accept those that you have no control over.
Stress is simple, it follows a predictable pattern.
See the graphic below.
You are confronted with a situation, which you perceive.
You interpret it.
Without knowing it, your brain sends you a message, telling you either
I have the skills to cope with the situation - no perceived stress
I don`t have the skills to cope with it - perceived stress.
This happens within milliseconds, so you won`t notice it.
Easy, right?
“Just develop better skills so you won`t get stressed”
Ever heard that anybody say? The truth is that they are right to a large degree, but there is much more to it.
Let us take the first step
To know what causes stress in your life, you need to become aware of it.
#1 Stressors
Take a piece of paper or type it on your laptop.
Self-reflection is key to understanding stress patterns.
Be aware of situations in your everyday life that you find stressful.
What external stressors do you perceive
What was your reaction
What was favorable
What was an obstacle?
The following graphic will give you an understanding of which levels of stress work.
We are looking into the phase of “I get stressed when….”
Once you understand what your stress triggers are, you can decide to act differently in the future.
We are all creatures of our habits. The vast majority of our reactions to situations happen intuitively.
At one point in time in the past, we learned a certain behavior which then turned into a habit.
Which means that it happens too fast to feel a sense of control over it.
But think about it for a second. The fact that you get stressed when you arrive late for an appointment or in any other personal stress-inducing moment is a reaction that you have learned.
You don`t have to get stressed. You can choose a different reaction.
How?
By becoming aware of the window of opportunity between trigger and reaction
Here`s what I mean
A change in pattern will not happen at the blink of an eye, but will take some time and practice.
Over time, you will notice that you are no longer a puppet to your old unfavorable reaction.
It is within your power to choose a different reaction.
#2 Stress Intensifiers
This is hard to measure, but I argue that the bulk of perceived stress is caused by yourself.
We are moving forward in the chronological order from stressor to stress reaction.
Let us now look at stress intensifiers
You probably agree that every situation is neutral, but it is our perception that causes emotions.
Let me give you an example:
Last week a colleague and I finished a project on stress management. We dealt with the same topics that I presented to you in a condensed version here.
In one session we talked about stress intensifiers.
In short, there were many aha moments.
Like which?
Sometimes the pressure we think other people put on us is done by ourselves.
For instance…
One of the participants told us that he feels like the customers expect him to answer emails in the shortest amount possible, let`s say within an hour.
We questioned if that was true.
It turned out he had never asked, it was a mere guess.
So we gave him homework: Ask 2-3 customers how fast they expect an answer.
None of the three were expecting him to get back to him as fast as he thought.
They understood the overall workload and were completely fine with getting an answer within 24 hours.
It is a good example of where our belief or conviction is dead wrong.
In his case, it was moving along the lines of “I have to be perfect” or “I have to please everybody”.
See this graphic to find which applies to you.
Make no mistake, the beliefs and convictions above serve you in many ways.
For instance, trying to be perfect often produces great work.
Making an effort on a constant basis can earn you a higher position with a better salary.
But
They cause a tremendous amount of stress.
Again, you might not be aware that you have any of these belief systems.
So it´s time to find patterns, recurring thoughts that drive you to go out of your way.
Which values, beliefs, and convictions do you hold?
Which of them do you good, which act against you?
Ask yourself if you put these high standards on other people in every situation.
If not, then stop doing it to yourself.
How to go from the above beliefs to more favorable ones?
Let`s play this through with the example of “I have to perfect”
Change “be perfect” into:
Even when I make mistakes, I am a capable, likable, and professional colleague.
I can't avoid all mistakes. I can learn from my mistakes. I am allowed to make mistakes without feeling like a failure.
I can show myself as I am and develop my personal style. I accept who I am.
You can pick any personal belief you think causes stress and write the antidote to it.
This might look a little wishy-washy at first glance, but don`t underestimate the power of words.
The more often you repeat these to yourself, the more momentum they gain.
Before you know it, you have developed a new and improved system of beliefs.
Stress Reactions
Stress works on many levels.
Stress reactions are no different.
Let`s look at our constant companion, the graphic.
If you are observant, you will notice
physical activation
mental activation
mental activation
behavior-based reaction
The most tangible way is to finish the sentence, “When I am stressed, I….”
Most of the advice you find on the internet with regard to stress management is focused on measures to deal with stress consequences.
This is no coincidence.
Changing the stressors and stress intensifiers is more time demanding.
For stress management to be effective, you should work on all three levels, but you might begin with the stress reactions.
The reason is that you cannot avoid stress altogether, so you need a weapon that you can use when you feel stressed out.
I´m sure you already have tools in your arsenal to bring the stress down.
What do you do when you are stressed?
Maybe you enjoy listening to music, taking your dog for a walk, doing some form of meditation or cooking a delicious meal.
The daily stress requires a reaction that brings the cortisol down.
Not all stress is created equal, which is why we need to dig a bit deeper.
For instance, we can differentiate between your feeling.
a)
restless inside
agitated
nervous
overstimulated
and
b)
exhausted
drained
done for the day
Goal:
Reduction of mental and physical activation.
Reduction of exhaustion
Some methods work better than others.
This is why you may adapt your reaction to the initial situation.
a) It would be a good idea to bring your cortisol down by doing any of the following
exercise
relaxation technique
going into nature
meet friends
b) When your energy is depleted, you might
sleep more
practice self-care
do wellness
doing nothing
Let`s say you drained your batteries 100%, then it might not be the best idea to for a 90-minute run.
Then again, we are all a bit different, the most important thing is to
a) find what works for you
b) stick to that
Let us look at two other forms of feeling stressed
a) I feel frustrated in a bad mood and fed up
b) I feel unfulfilled, bored and under-challenged
Goal:
Reduction of one-sided stress
Addition of positive challenges
Suitable balance in leisure time (integration of new hobbies, interests, skills)
enrichment with meaningful and challenging activities (volunteering)
Search for new fields of experience (new hobby)
New learning experiences (instrument, language)
To put it in summary: Aim to find the perfect match
For mental work: balance through physical activity, sport
For physically demanding activities: activation of the mind
For abstract tasks: e.g. creative/handicraft work, gardening
For conversation-intensive tasks with a high level of customer contact: pay attention to the right dose and type of social contact, as social activities can be experienced as exhausting after work
Summary
Reducing the perceived level of stress is a process.
It will take time, patience, and the willingness to be honest with yourself.
Reflect on your personal causes of stress
Take a deep dive into your belief system and evaluate which are stress intensifiers and thus need alteration.
Develop a reliable system of measures that help you bring down the stress within minutes.
Coming back to the group of people my colleague and I helped with stress management.
When asked what they had learned, they all gave a different answer.
One said that he will now use short 5-minute breaks to re-energize and move a bit.
Another one said that he reintroduced exercise into his life and felt much more calm.
A third one said that he puts less pressure on himself because he found that he has the power to decide how he reacts to a potentially stressful situation.
How will you lower your stress?